The first Thanksgiving tragedy is New York Giant's star and winner of the "Your Beard Looks Like Pubes" award (see photo), Plaxico Burress. Normally when you hear that a sports star has been shot you can assume that it has something to do with some kind of gangster ass business, but this time around that was not the case. Plaxico was carrying an un-registered gun, you know for protection, at a New York area night club. The gun was holstered into the waist of his jeans and after some serious getting jiggy with it, the gun slipped and fell down his pants. When he tried to re-attach his 'piece' to his pants, the gun discharged and busted a cap up in his ass... OK well his thigh, but it sounded cooler.
Apparently pop-princesses are heiresses aren't the only celebrities that make bad choices when they're drunk, but at least their bad choices usually increase their fame and
pump life into their drowning career. His bad decision will probably ruin his career and crush the Giant's unbelievable winning streak. It's unfortunate because while I don't really care about football, I do really enjoy saying the word Plaxico.
Your next tragedy, to me at least, is much worse, but also almost seems like it would happen. This tragedy also took place in New York, which strikes me as odd because I feel like it would be more likely to happen in Kentucky or some other state that is so obscure it only exists for the purpose of joke making. On Black Friday, a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by a mob of mothers trying to make the most of all the holiday deals right at their fingertips. When asked to evacuate the store so they could clean the murder from the linoleum floors, women allegedly yelled that they had been waiting since the night before to shop and continued their shopping. Is that tickle-me-elmo/furby/whatever the fuck every 5 year old asshole has to have this holiday season really worth killing a man over? This question is not rhetorical and the answer is: yes, duh.
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