Wait You Named Your Son Hitler? Seriously?

I thought that celebrities were the only ones that went out of their way to give their children ridiculous names (and major issues to go along with them), but this week a couple in New Jersey showed me that regular people can fuck up their children just as easily as celebrities can! This couple named their son Adolf Hitler Campbell.

Yes, that is correct, Adolf Hitler. Apparently when asked why they chose that particular moniker they responded something along the lines of 'no one else will ever have the name'. What they really meant was 'we are not only anti-Semitic, racist and immortalizing a monster, but we also want our son to have to explain why his name is litterally Hitler for the rest of his life. No one else has the name Jizz McSmegma either (actually people are pretty nuts, so I cant' say that 100%, but I'm pretty confident its at least 97.4% true), but that still doesn't make it a good reason to name your child that.

But anyway, I'm rambling. The reason that these terrible parents came to be in the news is because Little Hitler turned 3 this month and they wanted their NJ Shop-Rite to write "Happy Birthday Adolf Hilter" on his birthday cake. Shop-Rite basically was like 'bitch you crazy if you think we're writing that shit on a delicious sheet cake'. So what did Mr. and Mrs. Crazy do to make sure little Adolf got his cake on...they went to WAL-MART, of course!! Wal-Mart does not discriminate, even if you are a crazy racist. This is why Wal-Mart is so popular/successful: no matter how much of an asshole you are, Wal-Mart can meet your needs!

These kids now can say "At least I'm not named Adolf Hitler" when they are made fun of:

• Pilot Inspektor Lee (Jason Lee's son)
• Bronx Mowgli Wentz (Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson's son)
• Moon Unit Zappa (Frank Zappa)
• Jermagesty Jackson (Jermaine Jackson's son)
• Bluebell Madonna (Ginger Spice's daughter)
• Kyd Duchovny (David Duchovny & Tea Leoni's son)

Who knew that Gweneth Paltrow's daughter, Apple, would end up with one of the most normal names of new-Hollywood?

Who Throws a Shoe? Honestly?

[Austin Powers infamous shoe scene]

Up until this point in my life, I've seen two shoes thrown.  One being that chubby Asian assassin in Austin Powers (see video clip above).  And two, when I pegged a guy, from my freshman-year dorm, right in the head with my sneaker, after being told I'd never be able to do it (one of my most proud moments as an undergrad...no video clip available, but it would be much cooler if there was one).  Today, myself and the rest of the world, got twice the hilarity when George W. Bush got not one, but two shoes thrown at him while conducting a press conference in Iraq.  President Bush was not hit by either of the size 10 shoes, apparently he majored in dodge ball at Yale because there's no way he was that agile without practice.  Especially when Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, wasn't even quick enough to dodge one. 

     [President Bush's soon to be infamous shoe scene]    

So to answer Austin Powers question, "Who throws a shoe?  Honestly?" 

 The answer is: more people than you think.  

Nothing Says Holidays Quite like Tampons

Normally when I think of the holiday season, its a melange of wreaths, presents, stockings, Salvation Army Santas ringing a stupid bell when I get off the train in the morning, ornaments, turkey, hugs, reindeer, silver bells, crying children, christmas trees, forcing my cousins to perform in variety shows against their will (and, that of the audience's), football, drunk uncles (or as I call them drunkles), candles...well anyways you get the point. But in a recent google search of the word 'christmas' after sorting through links and links of cheesy stuff, I came across probably the most awkward/greatest/creepiest website that has ever been created. It's called Tampon Crafts. Their mantra is that tampons can be fun at any time of the month! As the name suggests, the site shows different crafts you can do at home that use tampons as the primary medium. Here are a few examples just in time for the holidays:

It's almost hard to believe they're made of tampons! They actually have some really great crafts. I really suggest that everyone go to this site, sit down with a box of tampons and craft your little heart out. Maybe try to come up with your own ideas, I'd be really impressed if someone could make a giant tampon out of regular sized tampons. That would be fantastic and kind of ironic...don't cha think?

p.s. if you do go to this site, check out the heart shaped earings...they are extremely disturbing

Always Wrap it Up!

The most inappropriate name for a fundraiser to benefit children ever.

Wrapping it up

 in general 

is a way to prevent children 

from happening in the first place.

Totally J/K with Joe and Noah 12.2.08

This past Wednesday I decided to finally check out Totally J/K with Joe and Noah at Soundfix Lounge, even though I've been planning on going for quite some time now.  And I'm super glad that I went because it was a great night filled with laughter.  Joe Mande and Noah Garfinkle host this alt comedy show every Wednesday at 9:30 PM and I really recommend everyone going to it.  They started the show with "Totally J/K's List of Nothing" (a list of their ideas that turned into nothing) and besides the theme song for this list being fantastic, the list itself juxtaposes everyday words and ideas together hilariously.  The lineup was fantastic.  The guests included Sean Patton, Patrick Borelli, Kristen Schaal, Kurt Braunohler and Donald Glover.

First up was Sean Patton.  I must have been in another world or really high (or both?) when I saw Sean Patton at the VH to the One Comedy show because I didn't remember watching his performance really, but I'm almost glad I didn't because it made this performance all the funnier.  Also as I was watching I remembered other material he had said last week that he didn't use.  So I apologize for not remembering him before, but at least this time I won't forget. Following Patton, was Patrick Borelli.  Borelli didn't really perform an act, so much as advertise for his new book, Holy Headshot.  Which was almost better than an actual act.  The 

book, Holy Headshot, is a coffee table type book that includes bizarre, ridiculous and totally legit real head shots and resumes.  Even if you're not going to actually purchase the book, I would recommend going to the website for it because it's quite entertaining and funny. 

Next was Kurt and Kristen.  Comedy duos, in general, rank extremely high on my list of favorite things ever, but Kurt and Kristen really took the cake.  Schaal was one of the main reasons I wanted to go to Totally J/K tonight.  She is also on the hit HBO series, Flight of the Concords, which I don't really watch.  "So why did you want to see her then?", you might ask.  Well, the reason I wanted to see her so badly though is because of a web series that she and Braunohler do called Penelope Princess of Pets.  Everyone should watch it; it's hilarious.  Anyways, their performance at Totally J/K was so wonderful.  I think it's something about their voices that makes them so addicting to watch (not like crack addicting, more like sushi addicting)to me.

At this point I really thought very little could top what I had already seen, yet I managed to somehow be wrong once again.  Donald Glover hit the stage and laughter was the constant the entire rest of the show.  Glover writes for the Emmy Award winning program, "30 Rock"on NBC.  That Emmy is clearly well-deserved because Glover was hilarious.  His jokes focused mostly on stereotypes of different cultures, and were completely fresh and non-offensive, which I think is hard to do because in that realm you are really walking on thin ice.  

All in all, Totally J/K with Joe and Noah is something you should Totally G/S (Go See, and yes I knew that was lame before I typed it, but I rebel against my better judgement on the daily).  Here are some reasons you should go a) it's every Wednesday and when do you regularly have Wednesday plans.. b) it costs $0, so even if you lost your home/job/pet/virginity due to the recession, you can still afford it and c) there is also another free show immediately before it so that's like two for the price of free.  Every Wednesday, 9:30 PM at Soundfix Lounge Williamsburg, Brooklyn.    

Rock Of Love Haikus

I spent 2 summers ago interning at VH1 Digital. While I learned a lot and spent most of my time productively, I also had a lot of laughs with my supervisors. On my last day, I read them a series of haikus I wrote about the critically acclaimed VH1 show, "Rock Of Love". Obviously they are a little delayed since we're already up to season 3, but I thought they were still worth posting. Hopefully you agree.

Rock of Love ladies
Bags of bouncy silicone
Watch out they might pop

Wake up, have a drink
Classy ladies all around
Tops are coming off

Brandi C. in porn
Lesbian threeway sex romp
Can you say spin off?

Talk Dirty to me
He will measure my boner
Not a real doctor…

Yeehaw Rodeo!
Laughs so loud she orgasmed
Seven year old son...

Hip hop versus rock
Hope no one poops on the floor
Only time will tell

That's One Lucky Bike

This bike rack provides us with a whole new meaning for the word bike rack.

I'm not sure if there is a contest for the 

world's sexiest bike rack

but if there were

the other bike racks would 

accidentially spill a drink on this one

right before the question and answer.

 

Links To Voro Lounge Article

The article I wrote for thew News Record can be found here, and also here.  

Hot In The Presses: Voro Lounge Presents 'Comedy and Cocktails' 11.20.08

Recently the editor of my town's local paper discovered what I was doing here at attention is fun and asked me to write an article for their arts and entertainment section about a comedy show that just got started locally.  So since clearly I believe in attention, I agreed.  I've taken the liberty of typing it out for your reading pleasure.  My favorite part about my article appearing in the paper, though, is that it appears next to the 'Pet of the Week'(not pictured).  Here ya go:    

When one thinks of Voro Lounge, images of its warm atmosphere and friends coming together for a meal or drink come to mind.  While it is one of South Orange's more upscale drinking holes, residents will soon add comedy club to their description of Voro Lounge.  The venue now hosts a bi-weekly show featuring professional comedians called 'Comedy and Cocktails.'  The News Record was fortunate enough to have been invited by Voro to check out Thursday's show.

South Orange resident and senior correspondent for "Inside Edition" April Woodward hosts the show along with Rob Stapleton of "Top Dog's of Comedy"--and they sum up an evening of comedy that "brings Manhattan right here to Jersey."

Using front-row audience members as material for his jokes, Stapleton engaged the crowd with one-on-one interactions without bullying or offending any of the singled-out members of the audience

One comedienne to hit the stage was Shatara Curry fo BET's "Comic View." Curry came out oozing energy and had the crowd in the palm of her hand in no time.  Her jokes were observation-based, using body movements to illustrate each point.  With jokes based on relationships with her signature line of "Put a ring on it," Curry had a fantastic set which set the tone for the rest of the show.

The next act, K-Dubb of "Def Comedy Jam" and "The Bad Boys of Comedy," had the crowd in stitches throughout his entire set.  His humor was observational, but also politcally driven. At one point, K-Dubb mentioned that the Republicans will take hold of the next election, to which an audience member shouted out, "No!"  Instead of becoming aggravated with the audience member's interruption, he took the opportunity to school her on the history of cyclical politics, impressively and quickly spouting off every president and their political affiliation from George Washington to the present.  K-Dubb is definitely a stand-up performer to look out for in the future, as his comedic timing, skill and intelligence are bound to make him a major player in the comedy world.

While K-Dubb was a tough act to follow, the second headliner, Dean Edwards of "Saturday Night Live" and "Original Kings of Comedy," easily kept the audience's attention and kept the laughter continuously coming.  Edwards' humor relied primarily on his impressions which varied from celebrities, such as Jay-Z, Beyonce and Denzel Washington, to people you would come into contact with on a day-to-day basis at the grocery store.  His impression, paired with the way he used his body to bring his comedy to life, proved to be both successful and hilarious.  Edwards, too, is someone to look out for in the future.

If you are looking to stay local and laugh, Voro Lounge has something for everyone with 'Comedy and Cocktails.'

[These photos did not appear with the article and are mine.  Also, I had to clean up my language for this a little bit...so just so I can prove I'm still legit: fuck]

VH to the One Comedy Showcase: 11.18.08

As an employee of VH1, I thought it was pretty exciting that we were putting on a comedy show, but I'm using the word 'we' very loosely because I had absolutely nothing to do with this show, aside from being an audience member.  Regardless, I thought it made me feel that I was involved in a small way.  The VH to the One Comedy Showcase takes place at The Bitter End, which normally hosts more rock and roll (cough Bob Dylan cough) performances, but welcomes the VH1/stand up crowd with open arms every other Tuesday!  The vibe is dive-ish, but also really classic and full of history.  The show I, personally, attended was it's maiden voyage so there weren't as many people in attendance as I expect there to be tomorrow.  The show was hosted by Cassidy Henehan, who did a pretty good job, although at times seemed a little confused as to what was supposed to happen next.  

The first act was Kumail Nanjiani, who I had actually seen before at 'Big Terrific'.  Nanjiani uses the kind of voice inflections that just makes you want to laugh.  Also everything he says is hilarious.  I was surprised that he was the first act because he has been featured on SNL, and also is fantastic.  In any event, it was a great way to get the audience pumped up and ready to laugh for the rest of the show.  

Next up was Joselyn Hughes.  Her jokes mostly poked fun at her love life, focusing on how all her exes are now out of the closet.  She was funny, but the least so of the group, which really just says how good the show was.  Following Hughes, was Sean Patton.  I remember thinking Patton was very funny, but for some reason the only thing I can remember about his set was that he said he a friend I was there with (sorry for being such a douche, but I really should have written this the next day).

Next up were the two headliners: Pete Holmes and Big Jay Oakerson.  Holmes, has apparently, been on tons of VH1 clip shows, as well as Comedy Central's "Premium Blend".  Also, I have seen him before at various shows around New York.  Even though I had seen him the week before and remembered a decent amount of his material, it was still just as laugh out loud funny as it was the week before when my mind was fresh.  Holmes' jokes are relatable to pretty much everyone, unless maybe you don't speak English, and some have a lot to do with everyday occurrences that only when brought to your attention, by Holmes, are hilarious.  I would recommend checking out one of his performances to anyone that enjoys laughter, or funny things.  The final act, and second headliner, Big Jay Oakerson, was also fantastic.  His style is very different from Holmes in that he is very, very vulgar.  His act also involved a great deal of audience participation.  At one point he asked a girl in the audience to ask him any question about himself, she was bewildered and had no idea what to say so he went on to ask himself how he lost his virginity.  I'm not sure if I believe his rundown of that fateful night, but I don't even give a shit because it was hilarious.  He also integrated the two other people at my table, separately, and used what they said to create something wonderful.  I really appreciated his no nonsense, not giving a fuck attitude because he came off that way, but never was mean to anyone or even seemed unapproachable. 

Overall, VH to the One Comedy Showcase is a great show, and the comedians and the host change each week, which makes it a show that you should frequent as often as you can.  It is bi-weekly, on Thursdays (The next show is December 4, 2008 and then the following is December 18, 2008).  Also it's a really good deal for so much funny, as it only costs $5.  The only problem that I had was that it was advertised originally as not having a drink minimum, but once I got there, there was a drink minimum.  I didn't have a problem with drinking the drinks, but I just hadn't planned on drinking/spending the extra cash.  However, it is a relatively minuscule problem.  I would definitely recommend your attendance at this show to anyone who enjoys laughter, paying very little money, classic rock and roll joints, and drinking        

[sorry this post is so delayed, it was a busy week]