2.25.2009

Adsit & Guasas @ UCB 2.25.09

Tonight I went to see 'Adsit & Guasas' at the UCB Theatre in Chelsea. I really was not sure what to expect from this show as the description of it was: "Scott Adist (30 Rock) and Christina Gausas (Late Night w/ Conana O'Brien) improvise an hour long one-act play that can be both hilarious and physical and heart-breaking and still, come and see for yourself." So besides that fact that I love '30 Rock', I was super intrigued. And even now I'm not sure how I feel about what I saw. It started off a little bit slow, but once they were both on the same page, it seemed almost impossible that they were improvising. Each line worked perfectly with the scene at hand and they had great chemistry together on stage. Also I was very impressed with both of their memories. At one point, Gausas had listed five men's names in the scene and then later on she referenced the same five names. This show wasn't exactly funny the entire way through, but it certainly did have a certain charm that made it enjoyable to watch. The pair perform this show on several Wednesdays each month. The next time you can catch this show is this upcomming Wednesday (March 4) and also March 18th, 2009, both at 9:30 PM.

2.24.2009

Ask Ray J: Layin' Down the Tracks

Today I got the opportunity to be a part of VH1.com's new promotion called 'Ask Ray J'.   The premise of 'Ask Ray J' is that he answers fan submitted questions. I got to sing the theme music along with 4 other ladies.  In addition to singing the theme, I did voiceovers for five of the questions and also something else that I'll explain once the video is available. The picture above is me recording some of the voice overs at Orbit Studio in Times Square.  

2.19.2009

Pro V. Con: Face Tattoos

A few months ago, I hadn't really given face tattoos much thought. And I don't know if it's just me, but lately they have been everywhere. Maybe now I'm conditioned to noticing them because they have been all over the television these days, but I have noticed some face-tat-toting ladies and gentlemen out there on the subway. I decided to weigh the pros and the cons of this pressing issue.
Pros vs. Cons: Face Tattoos
Pro:
  • when asking directions for the bus, people will offer their wallets
  • you can cut any line
  • girlfriends won't pressure you to meet their parents
  • everyday is Halloween!
  • intimidate small children by doing nothing
  • people constantly staring at you raises self esteem
  • gang recruitment becomes easier
Con:
  • minimum wage earners club lifetime membership
  • even face skin gets wrinkly
  • probably at least an accessory to murder
  • people constantly staring at you makes you self concious
  • You have a tattoo on your fucking face...for life.
You Decide.

2.18.2009

Harold Night @ UCB Theater 2.17.09

So tonight I went to my first Harold Night at the Upright Citizen's Brigade (UCB). 'Harold' is a technique for long form improv developed by Del Close, and it is very funny. I am taking a class at the UCB training center and it is required that you attend two improv shows before the last class session (students get in free woop woop), and I'm really glad that it was required of me because I went early in the 'semester' and enjoyed it a lot, so now plan on integrating more UCB shows into my weekly schedule. They have usually 3 totally different shows each night of the week, the shows cost at most $10 (though most are $5) and there is no drink minimum, but there is a bar with very reasonable prices (not just for NYC, but even if you were at dive bar in Minnesota or some equally irrelevant state). So it's good.

Back to Harold Night. It's every week and 5 improv groups (8 people each) work their magic to create 5 completely original and hilarious long-form improv shows for only $5 (which in my opinion is worth more than a footlong from Subway). Each show, within the show, is about 30 minutes, with a 5 minute intermission between each. You can stay for all 5, or leave whenever you want. I stayed for three groups: 'The Fucking Kennedys', 'Bastian' and 'Ragnarock'. At the start of each show they take a one-word suggestion from the audience. The suggestions of these shows were picnic basket, California, and pinata. By using the Harold techniques, they create a very smart show, usually there is a consistent theme throughout the performance that is much deeper than the original prompt, and also very funny. It just impresses me so much that these 8 people (and I'm talking about all the Harold teams in general) went on stage with nothing prepared and came up with something so clever right off the cuff.

My favorite Harold team tonight was 'Ragnarock'. The team had 3 girls and 5 guys and their prompt was pinata, which led to themes of the political and economic situation in the world through situations about family, sex and kittens taking over the world (to name a few).

I just recently finished a book about long-form improv, Truth in Comedy. While reading it, the techniques made sense to me, but I had no idea what it the end result would be like. Tonight, while watching this show, so much of what I had read clicked into place. I'm really glad that I grew the balls to start this class because so far it has been an extremely positive experience and who knows? Maybe one day I'll be skilled enough to join a Harold team myself. Time will tell.

2.16.2009

Inside Joke W/ Janeane Garofalo @ UCB Theater 2.16.09


Tonight I went to my first show ever at the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater (W. 26th Street). I was not sure what to expect because I just picked one at random and decided to check it out. I knew that they put on improv and sketch shows there, what I got was completely different, but in a good way.


I attended 'Inside Joke', which is advertised on their schedule as "a cross between Charlie Rose and This Old House, minus the interruptions and power tools.' For many, this description would have been enough for them to gather what they were about to see, however, I have never seen Charlie Rose, nor This Old House because from what I hear they are boring and for old people. Anyways, I would describe it as similar to Inside the Actor's studio, minus James Lipton.



The show's host, Carl Armheiter, asked this week's guest, Janeane Garafalo questions about how she got started, her opinions on parts she has played, as well as other fun banter. I was pretty excited to watch because I've seen 'Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion' about 4 million times, not to mention having seen her on 'The Ben Stiller Show', as a kid. Also, I learned a lot about her that I would never know. One thing that really stuck out to me was that she does not have e-mail, nor use a computer. Also she hates all the negativity in the 'blogesphere', but since I don't write mean things I figured it was alright to write about this. Anywho...I find it crazy that anyone could survive without a computer, but I guess people did it for hundreds of years so to each their own.



As the show was being wrapped up, a girl in the audience screamed out "I have a question!!". She asked Garafalo if she would be interested in producing "a show like Curb, but for girls." It didn't seem that she was super interested in being the producer of this project, but she offered to speak with the girl after the show and get her in touch with her manager who probably would be interested! What a great break for that girl right? Regardless it just shows what a nice person Janeane Garafalo really is, even though she has been type-cast as a bitch.

2.14.2009

Happy Valentines Day!

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Everything.

2.10.2009

An Elephant Never Forgets

What a dickhead
The Republican party might want to get a better marketing team.

p.s. this is not about my political opinion
it is just a great picture 
so please shut it, in advance.

2.07.2009

Would You Rather...

That's right kiddies...another exciting installment of Would You Rather!
Would You Rather...
  • have a functioning penis as a nose OR a functioning vagina as a mouth?
  • be known for being a reality TV whore OR have self respect?
  • wear a porcupine on your head at all times OR always wear a jacket made of rotting banana peels?
  • fart skittles OR have colored smoke come out of your butt each time?
  • have your face actually freeze like that OR go blind from jerking off too much?
[leave your responses in the comments section]

2.06.2009

25 Random Facts About Me

So Facebook has been bombarding us with notes written by people we haven't spoken to in 10 years titled "25 Random Things About Me". And basically, aside from like two (that I've read), they are one giant cliche. Of course your friends and family are important to you and one of your 'random facts' doesn't have to be "I don't normally do these things, but..." So I decided to create my own list of 25 FACTS about myself that you probably haven't seen on other people's lists.


  1. I truly believe that I will be murdered (please don't help me out with it)
  2. I litterally throw up when people have snot on their face or carry around bags of dog shit.
  3. I haven't been able to pee in front of anyone (unless I'm wasted) since 2nd grade because two boys barged into a bathroom I was using.
  4. I broke my leg skateboarding when I was 2 years old. My cast was green and we kept it above our fireplace until it started to smell worse than someone carrying around a bag of dog shit.
  5. After freshman year in college I was in car accident and pissed my pants (like a lot) and never told anyone else that was in the car. (sorry guys)
  6. My favorite planet is Jupiter and it's because its the fattest and it has, what I consider to be, a big pimple on it.
  7. As a child, I told people I was a witch (for many years).
  8. I prefer driving alone so I can sing pop music as loud as I can, while pretending I'm a pop star AKA removing my underwear and getting out of cars while people take pictures of my cooter (ok that last part is a lie, no one takes pictures).
  9. Anyone that says 'panties' and is serious about it, is dead to me from that moment forward.
  10. I don't trust people that don't like cheese.
  11. I secretly wish I had no dignity so I could be a porn or reality star...or both.
  12. As good as it might feel to do meth, I would never ever consider trying it because I'd like to keep my teeth for the long haul.
  13. I usually agree when I don't know what someone is talking about.
  14. I think that soda tastes like shit because of the bubbles.
  15. I never ate ham until I was in college.
  16. In middle school my nickname was "Bullseye" because apparently my nipples were hard the whole year and I didn't wear bras. I found out what it meant the last day of 8th grade.
  17. I think celebrities are the bees knees, but would never hook up with one.
  18. I have bitten my toenails before, but rarely my fingernails.
  19. I am related to Broadway legend, Bernadette Peters (she is my cousin).
  20. Since I was about 8, all my wishes have been to get big boobs.
  21. I'd like to be C-List famous.
  22. My best friend and I have an agreement that if either of us gets a dick for a day, we would blow each other just so we could know what it felt like.
  23. I think it's really fun to talk into a fan and pretend I'm a robot.
  24. I cried in the movie 'Hitch'.
  25. There are only 24 facts about me.

[In case you were wondering I'm wearing a crab hat in that picture. A hat shaped like a crab]

2.05.2009

You're Welcome America: Will Ferrell On Broadway 2.3.09

I've been a big fan of Broadway since my parents took me to see 'Grease' for my 9th birthday. Since then I have seen probably over 15 shows, and I can honestly say that 'You're Welcome America: A Final Evening With George W. Bush' is my new favorite. I had heard it was spectacular, and had very high expectations, which were matched, doubled, spanked and then cuddled with. My seats were on the 2nd mezzanine, but in the 2nd row, so overall were actually great seats, and the theater was completely packed. As I'm sure it will be every single night for the rest of it's three month run on Broadway.

The stage decor was simple: a chair, a fence, three screens along the back curtain and the infamous red emergency phone (on a podium), while Ferrell's entrance was anything but. The flapping wings of a helicopter were heard coming from the back of the theater, while a large cloud of smoke filled the stage, in a real "it's a bird, it's a plane, it's President Bush" fashion, Ferrell was lowered from the sky. Anyone who has watched Saturday Night Live, knows that Ferrell's George Dubyah's impression is spot on, but when you see it in person it is almost scary how real it seems. President Bush (as I will now refer to him) explained how he thought it was a joke that he was being brought to the Big Apple, and told the pilot to "drop him off in the faggy theater district, and here I am so I guess the joke's on me."

Former President Bush took the audience on a journey through his history, beginning with his upbringing as a true Texan, born in Connecticut, who went to boarding schools and universities in New England. He explains where he was when he was supposedly 'AWOL': spending a year full of man bonding, and western hand-jobs, in a Vermont cabin with pal, David Rothchild. Bush takes us up to election night 2000, when he was annoyed that nothing better was on TV, and trying to convince Al Gore that the Geneva Convention prevented him from taking back his concession phone call.

Upon winning the presidency, Bush shared his insecurities about not knowing what the fuck he was supposed to do. He introduced the audience to the members of his cabinet via the screens on the stage, sharing a anecdotes about each. However, one very large player gets left out because she and President Bush "have such a strong connection". This woman is Condeleeza Rice and stage right opens up and smoke pours out and Condeleeza Rice emerges and dances sexily with the President. Some critics have said that she stole the show, so I expected her role to be much larger. This was a great part in the performance, but I disagree that anyone could have stolen the show from Ferrell. The photo to the right, while somewhat unclear do to the lighting, shows Bush and Rice's sensual dance. In a similar manner, Bush went through his super top secret presidential phone book with the numbers of all the world leaders. My favorite part of this when he imitated the lisp of the leader of Spain. He spoke with the lisp for several minutes before declaring that "sometimes I just can't stop talking that way!"

The rest of the show was mostly devoted to the war in Iraq and Bush's role in it. It all started when he was reading one of the most interesting pieces of literature of his life on September 11th, 2001 and 'ended' with a large victory banner spelling out "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED". He compared himself to past presidents that he believed did a worse job than he did and even told the audience that one of his top skills was giving out nicknames. He asked for people in the audience to shout out their name and their occupation so he could come up with the best nickname they'd ever heard. My favorites were a high school student that he named 'pimple face', a history teacher that he named 'teacher of un-necessary subjects' and an unemployed man who he dubbed 'not my fault'. I thought this was pretty cool because he got the audience involved and actually made up their nicknames on the fly. Also one great thing I forgot to mention, was that throughout the show he refered to Barack Obama as 'The Tiger Woods Guy'.

The show ended and Ferrell, naturally, got a standing ovatation. The chatter heard while descending the stairs toward the exit was nothing, but extremely positive. After the show I waited at the stage door, hoping to get to meet Will Ferrell. What happened was more than I could have asked for. The first people to emerge from the stage door were comedy and marijuana pioneers, Cheech and Chong! Cheech seemed like he wanted nothing to do with anyone, but Tommy Chong waved to the crowd and allowed pictures to be taken of him. The next group out the woman who played Condeleeza Rice, Leslie Bibb (Mrs. Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights), following by three members of the starting line up of the New York Knicks. Then, one of my personal favorite comedians, Louis CK, came out of the door and was kind of enough to talk to me for a few minutes and take a picture. The feeling outside was intense and excited, no one was being rude or pushing, which was plesant and unexpected.

Then the big moment came, the one and only, Will Ferrell, emerged from the stage door. He was extremely nice, especially considering how huge of a star he really is. He signed autographs for everyone waiting, leaving no one disappointed. He also took pictures with any fans that asked. One of the most exciting moments of my life was when Will Ferrell had his arm around me, my mother told me she got a picture. Unfortunately this high, was followed by one of the largest disappointments in my life, when I looked through the pictures realizing that my mom had pushed the wrong button and there, in fact, was no picture of me and one of my favorite actors of all time. I guess the lesson is: you never put any responsibility in the hands of anyone over 50, at least when technology is involved. The main thing that sucks is that many other people took pictures when he had his arm around me, yet I will never get to see one because I don't know any of these people. Oh well, I still had a great experience with the whole show and one day when I'm famous and important, I'll tell Ferrell this story and we'll laugh about it.

2.03.2009

Jill Hornstein: Animal Psychic

Do you ever wonder what animals are thinking?


Well luckily for you I was hit by lightening


and now can read the minds of pets.


Also I'm kind enough to share my gift


with the world!


Here is the first of many installations


of my foray into the world of a pet psychic.






2.01.2009

What Is Happening In This Picture?

This fish is either eating another fish, or smoking a joint.
You decide:
A) Fish on fish crime
B) The cause of the 6 
second attention span

leave your answer in the comments section.